You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
