Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
