i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize