and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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