it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
