I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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