what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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