i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
