Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
