you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
