Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
