Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
