i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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