Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize