he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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