i think i have two assholes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
