She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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