her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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