I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
