Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
