I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
