Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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