pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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