It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
