What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
