this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
