He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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