Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
