he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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