I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
