We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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