apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
