I'm going to jail i love you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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