she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
