Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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