yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So. Much. Porn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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