he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
