This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize