apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
