i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
