he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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