He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lost the right to judge tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
