just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
4 words: hood of his car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
COCAINE IS GR8
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
