So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pants are for mortals
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
