I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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