Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
