foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
