I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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