i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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