Pants 0. Shit 1.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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