dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
