Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize