My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
