you guys were way drunker than both of me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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